[Opt 1] Be stronger, Hana.

Have you ever face a heart break? It is something that brings a chill, cold pain in your chest. It makes you feel hard to breath, and uneasy. It also may bring you to unstoppable tears.

It is almost half a year since I learned what heart break is. I’m a small child, named Hana. I’m a 7 years old girl who already learned how to think like adults. A girl that’s already knew what heart break is.





Everyday my mother will send me to school very early in the morning, and will fetch me back to her workplace very late as there’s no one in the school anymore. It is always like this. No, I didn’t blame her for that. It is not her fault. I won’t blame her for everything, which includes birthing me.

It is his fault.

I know myself the very best.  I know how to behave, how to act, how to talk. I learned it from people around me. When I’m at school, I will talk politely, like my friends at school. Back in home, I will not talk much, yet if I did, I will talk harshly. I want to hurt their hearts intentionally. I want they know what I feels. I want to be hated by them. Yes, hate me, please.

Since half a year since I’ve learned how heart break is, I have changed a lot. I’m not a cute princess held by my parent’s arm anymore. I’m not the happiest child in the world anymore. I’m not the brightest younger sister of my siblings anymore. Everything that is before is a real big lie. I hate lies. Nobody really knows how I hate being lied through my whole life.

It is definitely his fault.

I want to run from this lies. I’ve been thinking a whole time how to run away from home. But, with this small, child mind, I still can’t figure out any way. So, for now, while waiting for me to think of a way, I will push myself to study harder, harder and harder that nobody will beat me.

“Hana, you’ve got number 1 in the class again. Great work, girl. Congratulations”, said Mr.Yamase, my Mathematics teacher, also my class teacher.

Everybody in my class rushes towards me and starts praising me.

“Hana, I’m jealous of you, no matter how much I study but I still can’t beat you”, said Kotarou.

“Hana, you will teach me again like always right? I really want to be excellent like you!” said Kira.

I seriously didn’t know what the meaning of jealous and excellent is. It seems like there are more things that I didn’t know. I have to study more so that no one can beat me, and no one can oppose my decision.

“Hana, can I come in?” My mother asked.

She enters my room, without me replying her. I’m about to finish my homework soon. She put a cup of warm milo on the table, and then sits next to me. She didn’t talk anything. She just stays besides me, and watches me finish my homework. After I finished my homework, I take a look at her. Ah, she already sleeps while sitting beside me. She must be working hard every day. Working as a nurse is hard and tiring, I guess. I wake her up and let her sleep with me tonight. She must feel lonely to sleep alone in her room so I let her sleep with me, even though I rarely allows anyone to enter my room and sleeps with me. I’m already that kind of person, strangely in the childhood age.

“Hana, don’t overwork yourself. You will be exhausted later. Please don’t push yourself too hard. I understand how you feel, dear.” My mother murmurs in her sleep.

I already know that she knows how I feel. She’s the only one that understands me. She’s the only one I want to love. I already know, mother. So that’s why I’m pushing myself now. There is something I want to do.

“Mother, I will tell you what I’ve been planning, when the time comes. So please just be like this for the time being.”

To be continued…

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Hi all, it is my new post here.  I’m kind of busy and frustrated with internet line in my house. But I will try my best to post the next episode of this one shot next week. Thanks for reading and do visit my site too! ^^ (Kimmy Ai)